Defer To Dad

Yeah, this one will take a lot of flack from a lot of you. But hear me out. I'm certainly not suggesting that women become support figures that nod their heads and go along with anything their husbands want. Let's get that straight. No, sir. However, this is a blog about 50's living and in the 1950's, men were the patriarchs of their families. They were the breadwinners, the authority figures and the guys who got things done and took care of their families. Most moms were at home and while they definitely ruled while Dad was out, once Dad was home, Mom seemed to defer a lot to him. (How many old shows do we watch where we hear "wait until your father gets home"? All of them!)

There are three reasons this worked and still can work today. Number one, most of the American families in this time period were Christians and were simply following the Bible's words. [Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."] Likewise, men were directed by the Bible to treat their women right. [Ephesians 5:23 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" and Ephesians 5:28-29 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church."]. So, these Christian families were a bit more devout at the time and lived Biblical principles a little more fully. Women were of course free to speak their minds and couples of course argued about anything that couples still argue about today. However, in the end, women allowed the men in their lives to have the final say. It isn't something that their husbands demand (or if they did, probably didn't get). It's something a woman has to be able to do and agrees to do and it's not easy, I can promise you.

The second reason is that by allowing one partner to ultimately have the final say in matters, a lot of arguing and fighting is alleviated. I'm sure this has happened to you. You and your spouse disagree about something and you're both adamant that your way is the right way and needs to be followed. So you both plead your case and discuss it. Over. And over. And over. And nothing gets done. Nothing gets resolved and you're both angrier and more annoyed than when you started. You're so mad at the other one that the fight continues, grows and evolves and becomes unhealthy and hurtful. By the end of it, someone usually caves, but it's because they're exhausted or so upset that they just can't fight anymore... and they resent you now. This doesn't happen when you allow one partner (and I say men simply because we're talking about the 50's. This could be the wife in today's culture.) have the final say. As long as the relationship is respectful and each person is considerate to the other's feelings and desires, this relationship can work beautifully.

The third reason is just superficial. Men with authority and confidence are sexy. End of story.

Of course, you don't have to do this, may not want to do this or have tried and don't like doing this. It's 2012 (as of this post) and it's certainly not the norm or the standard in many homes. It's may not be for you and that's totally okay.

I write about it only because it was a part of life in the 50's. :)